ding ding ding…jackpot?

I can almost feel my spirits going up as the cocktails go down. One, two, three martinis later, and suddenly, the world aint so bad a place after all. Whenever my brain starts to run away on me, dragging my ass and my thoughts to unwanted places, I occasionally pull a Carrie Bradshaw, and attempt to stun it senseless with alcohol. Hey, whatever does the trick.

We all enjoy the thrill of the first date. There’s that electricity in the air that’s palpable, like humidity before a thunderstorm. It hangs around you the whole day, in anticipation of what’s inevitably about to take place. The slate is still clean, you dress yourself to the nines, and start pre-planning the things you’ll talk about, the jokes you’ll make, the emergency excuse in case the guy turns out to be a total creep – but still, time after time, the possibility that this guy might be ‘the one’ for you, keeps bringing you back to that starting block. On your mark, get set…hold up.

You hear people all the time, talking about how they enter a new dating scenario, ‘without any expectations’, or that they’re looking to date someone who is without expectations. I’ve often wondered what this statement means, exactly. By sheer definition, expectation is the same as anticipation – and, to the best of my knowledge, the point of getting to know somebody in a romantic context, is to bear in mind the possibility that you could wind up in a relationship with said person.

Obviously, the nature of dating is that not everybody you meet blossoms into a boyfriend. Some guys you meet, all goes well, and the natural progression of it all develops into a more prolonged, intertwined partnership. Also known as, a ‘relationship’. Some guys you meet, all goes well, but they’re lacking that certain je ne sais quoi – that spark of chemistry you simply can’t fake, which doesn’t make them a bad person, just maybe not right for you in the long run. They generally become known as something called ‘friends’. Some guys you meet, and when they ask if you’d like dessert after dinner, you find yourself thinking about how much more enjoyable it would be to throw yourself in front of a bus. Normally, they progress into something called ‘remember that time I went on a date with the guy who wore socks with crocs, talked about sushi for two hours, and offered me a ride home on his bike?’.

Like anything, in dating, you win some and you lose some. In my experience at the man slot machine, I’ve gotten plums at least a hundred times more often than the jackpot, and even after winning, my payout never did come. Sometimes, they like to tease you with the idea of having won something, only to reveal at a later date that your prize is dramatically different than it first looked when the screen lit up and the sirens started wailing. ‘Dream Men awarded may vary from those pictured’.

Therefore, I have to ask the question – if you are entering a dating scenario ‘without expectations’, then why are you dating? What is the point of going through the tumultuous motions of the courtship gauntlet, if you aren’t even after a prize, of any kind? Do people gamble simply because they feel like burning some money, or do they gamble out of hopes that they’ll win more? Do people put out resumes for sheer amusement, or do they want to get a call and a job offer? To me, dating and expectation go hand in hand – if you’re not looking for something or someone, and you don’t want to be in a relationship – then don’t bother! If romantic solitude is what you’re striving for, save yourself and your date the time and effort, and stay home.

Which, ultimately, is what I believe the people who legitimately aren’t looking for someone, do. Nobody creates a profile on an online dating service, goes on chat rooms, or courts others without expecting something. If we go out, and I’m not what you’re looking for, just tell me – I’m a big boy, I can handle it! But please, spare me the bullshit about how you ‘can’t live up to my expectations’, or that you ‘can’t give me what I want’, or that you’re ‘in a weird place right now, I’m not looking for a relationship’. If it’s sex you’re after, there’s even more people out there looking for that for dinner.

I don’t wager much on every guy I meet turning out to be my dream boat, but I enter every new potential situation with a mind that is open to the possibility of a repeat performance, but also well aware of the likelihood that my Prince Charming is still busy elsewhere. Maybe having dinner at the place next door, about to ready to throw himself in front a bus if those socks in crocs get any closer. It’s all one giant game of chance, which, maybe I won’t ever champion – but the excitement each time at what the first date might hold, beats the shit out of any expectation out there.

Can’t give me what I want? Sweetie, we’re only just on appetizers – you have no idea what it is I’m after.

~ by glamnesia on August 11, 2009.